Whew, Michelle, I feel you. I’m in my early 50’s and perimenopause. I also have complex trauma and live with mental illness. I could say that I’ve been in an existential crisis most of my life and not be far off the mark. The various versions of that crises have driven my healing. However, in the last few years the existential gods have definitely stepped it up a notch. At one point, I realized that I was desperately hanging on to a ledge of “the known” and that the only way to proceed was to let go. I fell in terror for several years. Yes, god had abandoned me (such a great way to put it). Eventually, I grew more comfortable with the free fall and the fear. Again, fear is also safe. Thank you for that. I can’t say as I’ve reached some other side, but I do feel like I’m further around the arc of this midlife journey. I sooo appreciate your voice and your story. They encourage mine.
Thank you so much, Emily. All we can do is share the stories, bring them a bit out of the darkness. I haven’t gone into my own trauma but I’m sure that will come out at some point. Just feeling the edges at the moment with my writing on this platform! There’s always a journey, when one thing ends something else begins. Wishing you lightness on your path!
Michelle, I'm just staring out on this path and have been experiencing what seems like a reasonably groundless anxiety for the first time in my life. I'm fascinated by this bit: "My nervous system, my very physiological reality supported this process — what with waning estrogen and a much reduced capacity to bullshit myself or anyone else for that matter." That is great food for thought, physiologically I just can't kid myself anymore about so many things - the pervasiveness of things that need improving is perhaps why my anxiety feels groundless - it is tirggered everywhere! I'm so glad you found a way to navigate this time in your life. The surfing sounds a wonderful companion on your journey. The only bad thing about where I live - there is no ocean! xo
Yes anxiety is definitely a thing. A surge in adrenaline precedes hot flushes. I found Shelby on here and she has some good insight - https://substack.com/@theperiprofessional
Wishing you smooth sailing (umm without the ocean nearby 🤪)!
I have been in the fires of awakening since 2021. There have been stretches of reprieve, but the primal existential fear is intense. Thank you for bringing words to it. And for the resources!
Wow, I am at a loss for words. Everything you wrote, yes...
🙏🏻🙏🏻
Whew, Michelle, I feel you. I’m in my early 50’s and perimenopause. I also have complex trauma and live with mental illness. I could say that I’ve been in an existential crisis most of my life and not be far off the mark. The various versions of that crises have driven my healing. However, in the last few years the existential gods have definitely stepped it up a notch. At one point, I realized that I was desperately hanging on to a ledge of “the known” and that the only way to proceed was to let go. I fell in terror for several years. Yes, god had abandoned me (such a great way to put it). Eventually, I grew more comfortable with the free fall and the fear. Again, fear is also safe. Thank you for that. I can’t say as I’ve reached some other side, but I do feel like I’m further around the arc of this midlife journey. I sooo appreciate your voice and your story. They encourage mine.
Thank you so much, Emily. All we can do is share the stories, bring them a bit out of the darkness. I haven’t gone into my own trauma but I’m sure that will come out at some point. Just feeling the edges at the moment with my writing on this platform! There’s always a journey, when one thing ends something else begins. Wishing you lightness on your path!
Yes! I love that idea of “feeling the edges.” Thank you, Michelle.
Loved listening.
Michelle, I'm just staring out on this path and have been experiencing what seems like a reasonably groundless anxiety for the first time in my life. I'm fascinated by this bit: "My nervous system, my very physiological reality supported this process — what with waning estrogen and a much reduced capacity to bullshit myself or anyone else for that matter." That is great food for thought, physiologically I just can't kid myself anymore about so many things - the pervasiveness of things that need improving is perhaps why my anxiety feels groundless - it is tirggered everywhere! I'm so glad you found a way to navigate this time in your life. The surfing sounds a wonderful companion on your journey. The only bad thing about where I live - there is no ocean! xo
Yes anxiety is definitely a thing. A surge in adrenaline precedes hot flushes. I found Shelby on here and she has some good insight - https://substack.com/@theperiprofessional
Wishing you smooth sailing (umm without the ocean nearby 🤪)!
Cool - thanks for the link!
I have been in the fires of awakening since 2021. There have been stretches of reprieve, but the primal existential fear is intense. Thank you for bringing words to it. And for the resources!
So glad you found this! You are not alone. It can be so intense and impossible to explain to most people. 🙏🏻